A Steward's Mis-adventures
by BunnyBabe10236
Summary: Malvolio is not cruel. Just misunderstood. As the citizens of Illyria have to find out. This story focuses mainly on Malvolio yet a few characters- some from other Shakespeare plays- may make an appearance... Some chapters are angsty, some are funny and some are just plain daft. WARNING: SPOILERS and rated to be safe.


**A/N: So this is my very first fanfic.I hope you like it. Basically, I think Malvolio is misunderstood and I also think that this little story is quite funny. Please review- I love constructive criticism but please no flames! Most importantly though- enjoy!**

Maria sighed. For the third time that day she admired her wedding ring- a single, glistening diamond that reflected all surfaces where the sun shone. On the actual ring, there was a message engraved-"Love sought is good, but given unsought better". It had been three weeks since she and Sir Toby had married.

Nothing had happened since.

And Maria, like almost everyone else, was bored. It was as if someone had painted Illyria with the grey colour of gloom.

"Is it only me, or does this house feel duller than ever?" she asked her husband, who sat slouched on a couch, twiddling his thumbs.

"Of course it's dull, sweetheart. Nothing's happened all week," replied Sir Toby, staring into space.

Suddenly, a tall, painfully thin man strode into the room, his long cloak flowing after him. He stopped midway, flicked his long hair out of his grey eyes and folded his arms across his chest.

"What do you want?" Toby asked impatiently. Malvolio cleared his throat and spoke in a whisper, barely audible.

" Nothing from those who try to drop me into the cruel, unforgiving realm of insanity, yet I have been sent from my good mistress to remind you that she is attending Duke Orsino's feast later and that she wishes for" Malvolio shuddered dramatically "Maria to be in charge."

"Perhaps she is frightened you will paint all her stockings yellow" Maria cooed. Malvolio looked as if someone had shoved a handful of lemons up his hooked nose. Malvolio hissed, turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, swishing his cloak around him. He looked back to glare at Maria and promptly walked into Sir Andrew, who overpowered the skinny man and fell flat over him.

Malvolio rasped,

"Get. Off. Me. Now. "

However, as Andrew had his arm stuffed in Malvolio's mouth it sounded more like

Get. Lost. You. Cow."

Sir Andrew was so offended and insulted he grabbed Sir Toby's ale and poured it on Malvolio's head.

Malvolio looked as if he was about to cry, before fleeing the room.

"Well, that was amusing," chuckled Sir Toby. Fabian, who had been arranging some flowers, sighed.

"Poor Malvolio," he said softly, which caused Sir Andrew, Sir Toby and Maria to yell "WHAT?"

"I don't think he has any friends, and think, you're bored all the time- what must it be like for Malvolio?"

"You have just given me a brilliant idea," chirped Maria "We should teach Malvolio what fun is, and no, it isn't being mean to people left, right and centre."

"Yes, but how?" exclaimed Sir Toby "He barely speaks to us since the 'love letters' incident."

Everyone sat thinking for some time, and then Sir Andrew piped up:

"We need to find out more about him in a way he won't suspect anything is going on. I have a plan."

"Tell us then!" smiled Fabian.

"Not yet. He cannot suspect a thing…" After saying this Sir Andrew smirked at the thought of his plan and shivered with excitement. "Bring him to the kitchen tonight when Olivia and Sebastian are out at the feast. And prepare to be highly amused."

"What in the world are you doing?" yelled Malvolio, who was being dragged, by the cloak, to the kitchen.

"I am in charge so just do as I say and we'll get to the kitchen much quicker" huffed Maria

They finally arrived to find Sir Andrew sitting at the table, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Hello, my good sir-"began Sir Andrew but he was hastily interrupted.

"Wait a minute. You think you can make amends for what you did earlier by flattering me. Yes, you resort to desperate measures to win my favour. Well, fool, save your words to explain your actions to my good mistress," he sneered, and made haste for the door

"Then I presume you are not interested in incredible wit and knowledge beyond all of Illyria" said Sir Andrew brightly. Malvolio said nothing but turned to face Sir Andrew and let him continue.

"The wise woman has concocted a beautiful potion which grants said knowledge to the consumer. And you do trust her, I believe?" Malvolio snapped out of his daydream and said slowly:

"I won't be bribed by this devil's potion, in fact, it looks like once again, you have had far too much to drink. Would you appreciate it if I reported this to my-"

"Wonderful, beautiful, royal, perfect mistress," finished Sir Toby, causing everyone to glare at him.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I was so unfairly interrupted, I feel the need to rid the house of this terrible poison. Pray tell me where it is?" he asked, glancing at Sir Andrew.

"In the barrel behind me. Anyway, it takes seven jugs at least to make someone a genius," shrugged Sir Andrew, before walking outside, beckoning everyone else to follow.

Except Malvolio.

Malvolio sat at the table and buried his face in his hands. Why was he such a bully to everyone? Why, even when people tried to be civil to him? He always ended up upsetting someone. Yet how else would anyone pay him any attention? Surely it was better to be noticed for the wrong reasons than to be ignored? He felt as if no one loved him anymore. He had always been friends with Olivia's brother Demetrio. The man had rescued Malvolio from the streets when he was marooned and was supposed to be arrested, yet Demetrio had stood beside him and helped him through.

Then he went and got married to a young lady and forgot all about him. Like everyone else did.

Then the steward had an idea. If he was unnaturally clever, people would ask him for advice and respect him for who he was. Then he wouldn't have to be so mean, and a solution was in the barrel beside him. He grabbed a large jug and filled it with the potion. It was worth a try….

Meanwhile, Sir Toby and Sir Andrew chuckled from the window watching Malvolio slowly but surely get hideously hideously drunk…

"Sir Andrew, my good friend, you are a little genius" muttered Sir Toby.


End file.
